Resolutions I Will Never Make

Resolutions I Will Never Make {the ponytail diaries}

If you’re as sick as I am about reading endless Christmas recaps or New Year’s Resolution posts, well, sorry if this kinda adds to the onslaught. But as I’ve been sorting through resolutions and goals and doing the dishes every damn day in 2015 (Husband did them last night, though, God bless him), I’ve also been struck with thoughts of things I don’t want to do.

I resolve NOT to…

Do a juice fast
I like food. Real food. I like juice, too, I just don’t see why I can’t drink juice AND eat food at the same time.

I mean, not the exact same, because gross, but you know what I mean.

Give up drinking
I also like beer. And wine. And tequila. And bourbon. And gin. I don’t like vodka, though, I’ll resolve not to drink vodka.

Make an avocado face mask
I’m all for “DIY beauty” and making body scrubs out of sugar or using coconut oil as a moisturizer, but I will never, ever, ever put an avocado on my face instead of in my face.

Unless I’m eating a really messy burrito or something and get a little smear of avocado near my mouth. But I’ll still lick it off my fingers.

Complete an Ironman triathlon
I actually joined Cal Poly’s triathlon club one year. I was recovering from knee surgery, so I couldn’t really run, and I couldn’t afford a bike, and classes always interfered with swim workouts, so it didn’t really work out, but for a few years I was all “Triathlons! Yeah!” and thought about one day completing a half-Ironman and then a full Ironman and being all badass.

Then I realized I pretty much hate swimming and biking, and more recently realized I hate marathon training, so…no. I’d still contemplate an easy sprint triathlon, though. In a lake. I don’t do ocean swimming. There are sharks in there, people.

Go vegan/paleo/any other super-restrictive diet
I really, really, really like cheese. And bacon. And bread. And pasta. And I really like the idea of moderation.

If you like any of those diets and they work for you, great! But don’t tell me I need to try them to change my life. I don’t want to change my life to one without cheese.

Buy nothing for a year
I’d be all for not buying material or consumer goods (except for, you know, food and gas and toilet paper and stuff), but you know what I’ll never not buy? Plane tickets to friends’ weddings or family get-togethers. Concert tickets. Race registration fees. Yoga classes on stand-up paddleboards. Wine and beer tasting fees. Experiences that I do with friends that enrich my life.

Also, books and yarn. Which are material goods, yes, but material goods used for experiences like reading and knitting. Oh, and homebrewing equipment and ingredients (again, experience).

I get the idea and challenges behind a “buy nothing” year, but there are some things of which I’m not willing to deprive myself.

Create a capsule wardrobe
Lord, these are trendy nowadays, aren’t they? I have been meaning to weed some stuff out of my closet (again) and I’m trying to buy more consciously, but ALL the capsule wardrobes I see are full of neutrals, neutrals, neutrals. With, like, a single “statement piece” like a jacket or scarf that has some color or is in a crazy print.

Guys? Bright colors and prints are, like, 80% of my clothes (the rest are jeans and socks. Some of them. I like fun socks). I’m not fashionable or stylish by any means, but I love bright colors and crazy prints and pieces that only go with specific other pieces. I’m not interested in being challenged creatively to come up with 90 new outfits from 30 pieces that basically all look the same.

Also, does underwear, socks, and workout clothes count in capsule wardrobes? Because if that’s the case I definitely can’t do one.

What do you resolve NOT to do?



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