I like to think I’m a pretty open-minded, accepting person. Sometimes. More or less. I try, okay???
But there are a few things that always, always get you a side-eye, or, as my dad would say, “a heaping helping of my scorn and derision.” Aside from the major character flaws, like, say, being an animal abuser, which get a lot more than a side-eye.
1 | buying ONE THING at Target or the grocery store and still needing a bag
Granted, yesterday I bought a six-pack, a carton of milk, and crackers and still refused a bag because I don’t want any more useless plastic bags in my house (and don’t tell me “oh you can reuse them!” When you have over a hundred of the stupid things, the opportunities you have to reuse them get slim). But seriously. One item and you need a bag? What, your…hands can’t grasp anything but a flimsy plastic handle?
2 | not using the Oxford Comma
LONG LIVE THE OXFORD COMMA! This is why I could never be a journalist (yes, the only reason). Stupid AP style.
3 | not recycling
Apparently I’m biased or used to recycling being relatively easy in California, but it totally irks me when A) I see people putting recyclables in the trash bin or B) I’m in an area where recycling bins can’t be found. When I worked in offices, seeing the stacks and stacks of paper that got tossed every day drove me mad.
4 | watering your lawn excessively with outdated sprinklers that mainly water the sidewalk
Again, California, but WE ARE IN A DROUGHT. FUCK YOUR STUPID LAWN. INSTALL A DRIPLINE. XERISCAPE. Or I may not feel bad about letting Onyx poop on your grass and not picking it up (I haven’t done that, for the record. But if I could get her to poop on command I’d be tempted).
5 | using your cell phone in a movie theater
Nowadays, for me to spend $15 for a movie, it has to be one I really, really want to see and expect/know it’ll be damn good. Having spent $15, I really, really, really don’t want to be distracted by the glow or sound effects of your phone or, worse, hearing you talk on the stupid thing. This actually goes past merely judging you and is a 100% guaranteed way to send me into a murderous rage.
Do tell — what do you judge people for doing without feeling the slightest bit a guilt when doing so?