The Appeal of Swimming, and 8 Other Things I Don’t Understand

List of Things I Find Confusing

Well, the title seems pretty self-explanatory to me.

|+| Swimming laps.

I’ve done this. In college, when I couldn’t run for several months, I joined the tri club and tried to get into swimming. Somehow I managed to get to the pool 2-3 times a week, where I’d mostly just swim freestyle for about half an hour or until I was completely over it. And when I say “swim freestyle” I mean “flailed about in the water in something resembling a stroke and stopping at the wall every time” (I can’t do flip turns because I’m convinced I’ll hit my head, so I always start too far back and my feet don’t even reach the wall). Gah. Give me shoes and a dusty trail any day.

|+| Women at the airport at 5:00AM in perfect business suits with perfectly styled hair and makeup.

Please, tell me your secrets. My attempts to look professional and pull-together anywhere, much less before a 6:00AM flight, are pitiful.

|+| Dodger fans.

I don’t mean people who were born in LA or raised by a family of Dodger fans. I mean those who grew up without a strong team affiliation and at some point in their life chose to support the Dodgers. Were you suffering a concussion when you made that decision? Was someone threatening you? Seriously, why? When you could just as easily have become a Giants fan?


|+| Professional conferences.

I’ve been to three so far, each for a different industry. Best I can tell, they are events where businesspeople to get hammered on their company’s dime, collect bags of useless swag from the event sponsors, and go to seminars where they can “learn” information they could pick up for free at any number of blogs and websites. And network? Even though I’ve only seen people hang out with their colleagues or people they already know from other industry events? And yet businesses still happily spend thousands of dollars sending their employees each year.

|+| Ear gauging.

Well, there’s no way for me not to sound judge-y about this, but honestly, if you do this because you truly like the aesthetics of the look, rock on. But to me, it doesn’t look good and there’s no functional reason for it.

|+| Snapchat.

My 14-year-old cousins tried to explain it to me last Christmas. I just…don’t get it. Why can’t I just text you?

|+| Most other things 14-year-olds are into.

They also talked to me about music and I watched some of the music videos they told me about on YouTube. I was never that cool to begin with and this whole conversation just confirmed that I’m pretty hopeless.

|+| Weddings with cash bars.

I’m sorry, what? I’ll be out in the parking where I stashed a cooler.

|+| People who hate reading.

…I’m not sure we can be friends.

Lion King

Can you explain Snapchat to me?

photo credit: B Tal via photopin cc



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